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The Affects Of Spring

Well, we're getting right into 2015 now, aren't we? I hope everyone is enjoying the beginning of Spring...
Time seems to be going so fast already, and as you may have guessed, I'm still sick a lot of the time, with something or another -- I can't even say how many times I've been to the doctor since I moved out of the Smith house!

Either way, we're both still very happy here; we had a harsh winter, but Spring is setting in nicely and its just so pretty all around;
there's sheep and their lambs everywhere, we're feeding wild birds and voles, we've had deer visit us.

And speaking of visits, my best friend came to visit us for a few days last week; I was actually pretty nervous since its been a while since I've been in contact with a lot of my friends, who've lost interest since I left (if not before) and certainly no-one has visited, except for family... most would probably think this place is boring, since there isn't anything in walking distance.
Still, she seemed to enjoy it! We mostly chatted all day every day, and caught up, which was awesome...its been so long since I had someone to talk to in that way....Matt is wonderful and all, but his conversation can be...short.

On the last day of her being here though, he took us both to Center Parcs for a day visit...it was great to show her the place finally, since I always wanted to take her on a holiday there....anyway, I think she liked it, and it did us all a lot of good. : )

Honestly though, I'm feeling bad more often than good still...
As previously mentioned, my stomach medication is gone, and there's not much in the way of a substitute, so I'm in pain a lot of the time now, and bedified. Of course, that sets of depression, and also a realisation: Firstly, that in all honesty, and I hate to admit it....I really can't manage things by myself, as I am. I really hoped that I'd be able to by now, and maybe I would, if not for those pills disappearing... its really scary, and I still need to work out how to overcome it. I get the feeling though, that things won't be the same again...another issue with it is that because I get sick so much, I can't do much in the house, which only leaves Matt, on top of his work...this will no doubt frustrate him, and that makes me realise something else about myself:
A lot of the time, I don't feel like my life belongs to me.
When I'm not sick, I feel that I should be making it up to people I've let down...and the cycle basically continues. Especially now.
I don't think I could even live with myself if I didn't make it up to Matt somehow, and friends before that....all this is too much for one person to bear...poor Matt...


As for things outside of me, it seems back home, The Smith family aren't doing so well...
As well as my mother's illness getting worse, it seems my Dad now officially has a serious heart condition. It has been missed for a long time now, because we all knew something was wrong, but apparently, they didn't give him the correct tests, and even now, they don't seem to be in much of a rush to help...he's on heart monitors, but won't go into hospital or anything, which is fair enough...still, he does tend to hide things and over-do it...its such a worry, and with my brother and I so far away, and my sister not really paying much attention...
I don't know, it probably wouldn't make much difference if we were there....he hides so much, and doesn't listen.
My brother is a qualified carer, but he's all the way up in Inverness....he says he will come down, but Dad won't have it....

Scary times ahead.

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