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Let Down

Please, someone remind me why I ever bothered trying to open up to and trust people?

I really thought people would be more supportive of my Angelo Fund... not as in throwing money at me, but I mean... just *support*,
yet so far, I've had pretty much the complete opposite - crushing words from people I really trusted, and actually... I think shame and/or embarrassment, like asking for help is a terrible, terrible thing.
I'm so shocked and appalled by the reactions - what have I been doing all this time then, when someone I cared about needed help, or when I cared about a cause I could do something about? I strongly believe in this stuff, and the places I have shared it (that hasn't been strictly my friends) I only shared because I've seen them do amazing things for other people, for a lot less. They seemed like other good, caring people. But I just don't seem to be able to get it across in a positive light, that doesn't make it look like I just want a "posh dog." Do people really think that is what I'm doing? That I'm that type of person?
Honestly, I don't know why this hit me so hard, or surprised me... I suppose I just let them too close to something that was too close to me, and left myself vulnerable. Either way, I'm feeling pretty pathetic at the moment... last night was just panic attacks, crying and hurt until this morning, I think I'm just kind of numb.
I really thought I was around some great people these days, but once again...ignorance prevails. They choose not to understand.

But regardless, I will do this. I will make it, once again, on my own with no help, like I always have, every damn day.
I've saved up all that cash before, and although it will be harder and take longer this time, I will get there, accomplish this goal and finally be able to live the small, happy life I always wanted.

And it will feel all the better, because I will not owe or have to thank anyone else for it.


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